Falling In Line

I was thinking the other day that there are certain expectations we have of ourselves when we become stepmoms. There are also certain expectations that others have of us.

For me, I thought that it would be easier than it was. I knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park when we blended our families, and by blended, let me be clear, I brought a dog into the mix. I did however, have no idea what was in store for me. I’m not sure there was any way to know.

There are emotions and feelings. Lots of feelings. The kids had plenty (and still do all these years later), I had plenty (and still do all these years later), and I’m sure the Captain also had plenty (and still does all these years later). Mostly it was all of the uncertainty of what was the unknown.

It sort of reminds me of that first day of elementary school when you have no idea what to expect. I actually do remember kindergarten. I remember my teacher, I remember the fear, and I remember what would become the fun. I also remember the day we learned to fall in line. We had to line up to get lunch, line up to go to the bathroom, the library, and recess, all of it. I remember how what felt chaotic suddenly felt orderly and clear. I remember that there was an expectation, and if that expectation was met, then things moved forward. If it wasn’t met, well, we had to figure it out chaotically, until it was resolved.

Being a stepmom is like that. It’s the fear of the unknown, the expectations that most likely will never be met by me, or by others who want certain things for me or for themselves.

If only it was as easy as falling in line.